Rarely Asked Questions.
This really should have been called Never Before Asked Questions (NBAQ), but I thought “rack” sounded better than “inbaq.” And some of these could have been WGARAATQ (who gives a rat’s ass about these questions.) So we’ll just go with RAQ.
1. So is this an addiction blog or a variety blog?
When I started out, I wanted to write a blog that would help other addicts and their families. That has not changed. However, I do not want to limit myself to that if there is something else I want to write about. For instance, I am a teacher, a father, a husband, I’m about to have a newborn as a fortysomething dad, I’m currently running for office, etc. I could tell within two months of starting my blog that I would not want to limit myself to writing just about addiction because I acknowledge that as time passes, sobriety will be easier and I will run out of things to say about addiction and sobriety. Besides, I’m opinionated and outspoken and I love addressing and debating other stuff. So that’s what I’m going to do.
2. So why do you write?
My mind is pretty nutty at times, so I write to focus my thoughts. I do not talk and think on the fly with the precision and thoughtfulness of when I write. And sometimes I even surprise myself by some of the things I come up with. Writing makes me smarter, more open-minded, more accepting of ideas that differ from my own. It’s amazing therapy. And sometimes, I’ll come up with a sentence or paragraph and I am still a little baffled that I came up with it. Writing is just flat out good for me. If my views or advice help others along the way, it’ll be all the confirmation I need to know I did the right thing by starting this blog.
3. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?
You shouldn’t. Not if you don’t want to. I’m just a man with a computer. But I’m also a man that has battled twenty years of addiction, I’ve been a single father after my first wife passed away, I’m about to have my third kid with my second wife and I’m terrified, I’m a high school math teacher, and I’m currently taking the biggest gamble of my life and running for office unaffiliated. Plus, I’m funny, I can write, I can pull off heartfelt and sarcastic equally well, and I’m adorable.
4. Alcoholics are supposed to be anonymous. Why are you not staying that way?
Because I never wanted to be anonymous BEFORE I was an alcoholic. I decided I needed to flip the script on the reclusive man I had become and come flying out with a “f&$k it” attitude. It was the only way I was going to completely rid myself of the fear of living this life a sober man. So f&$k it. This is who I am now. And I’ll be an addict forever. So let’s just churn this bitch up and see if we can’t get some other addicts to follow my lead and take their lives back.
In addition, is there a more ballsy form of accountability than to tell the world you’re an alcoholic, so that if you fail, EVERYBODY knows? And in addition to that, service is one of the biggest tenants of AA and one of the few things I really love about AA. This is how I chose to offer my service to addicts, recovering addicts, their spouses, and their families. It was simply my choice, and a LOT of self-esteem and self-respect came with that choice. I’m completely and totally content with not being anonymous.
5. If I ever meet you or see you on the street, I think I will feel awkward talking to you because I just don’t know what to say to an alcoholic. What should I do if that happens?
You should say, “Hi, Denton, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Curly and I’m a coward who is unable to form words when facing outcasts.” I’m kidding. Although that would be awesome. In all seriousness, though, I would like to be treated exactly the way you feel about me. If you like me, act like you like me. If you dislike me, act like you dislike me. If you agree with me, tell me. If you disagree with me, tell me why. I like unbridled honesty. Beyond that, just treat me exactly the way you hope I treat you. And I’ll do my damnedest to honor that. It won’t be hard on my end. I spent a lot of years getting more and more reclusive, but sobriety has taught me how much I really like people. I would NOT start a blog about this if I wanted people to ignore me.
6. Will there ever be a forum on your blog?
If you share my blog with ALL your Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram, and Tinder friends, plus your entire email database at work, and then all of those people that you shared it with do the same thing, and then all of those people do the same thing, etc., and I have about ten million monthly users, then yes, I will not only add a forum, I will add a daily lunch buffet, a river otter aquarium, and a water slide.
7. Who created the stupid little cartoons on every page and post/article?
I did. And one person’s stupid is another man’s amazing. I love them. They’re just so damn cute. I’m thinking about naming them. (And my sincere thanks to canva.com for existing so I could make them.)
8. Shouldn’t your wife still hate you for putting her through hell?
Yes, she absolutely should. Thanks for reminding her.
9. Seriously? An entire website with no ads?
Yep. Not selling my voice or my message. It’s just not worth it to me. Ads are hideous. Websites make money several different ways. Ads are just the main one. I’m not saying it’ll never happen, but the ones this website will attract will be depressing as hell, so no thanks.
10. I am an addict and I have no real interest in quitting. Are you okay with that?
Why wouldn’t I be? If I am to assume that you are of age to purchase legal mind-altering substances, I have no business telling you what you should or should not do. It’s one hundred percent your choice. If you want to drink so much moonshine that you are pissing and drinking at the same time and can’t stop either, while at the same time your heart rate has dropped to a level unsafe for a blue whale (and that’s REALLY low,) it’s your choice. If you’re happy being an alcoholic and you are not drinking and driving, I wish you well. And gas stations and liquor stores appreciate your business, and that’s good for the economy, so why would I discourage you? A person that does NOT want to quit will NOT quit. Just be safe and don’t put other people in danger.
11. You said on your “Contact” page that you can’t be anyone’s sponsor, confidant, or counselor. What do I do if I just need to talk to someone about my addictions?
Find ANYBODY that loves you and just say, “Look, I need you to help me right now. I just need to talk.” If they love you, they’ll drop everything to help. If NOBODY loves you, go here and call a number that applies to you. And I’m not saying I would never contact you in return if you contacted me about needing help. I most likely will. I’m simply saying that most addicts, when they finally admit they need help, need help RIGHT NOW. You probably wouldn’t get that with me because I work a full time job and have a family I adore and I’m swamped running for office, but you CAN get that kind of immediate help at one of these numbers.
12. I am the spouse of an addict and I would love to contact your wife. Can I do that?
If you send me a message through my contact page and you want her to respond, I will do my best to make it happen.
13. Aren’t you too old to have toddlers?
Yes. 100% yes. But Richard Gere is 69 and he just dropped a seed, so 42 is still a VERY young man.
**If you have a question that you would like to see on this page that you think would help people understand or navigate this site, make sense of something confusing, or anything you think would be an interesting question for me to answer, please send me a message.