What I Learned Today
Whether random fact(s), useless fact(s), something about myself, something about other people, something I blatantly stole in conversation with people smarter than me, or fake news that seems like it should be real, this is what I learned today.
March 2, 2019 – Essential oils are NOT essential in my house. They smell like flowery shit. Thieves oil is the worst. Absolutely awful.
March 1, 2019 –
February 28, 2019 – I never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to be in school administration. As long as I stay in education, I will be a teacher or support staff, but NEVER administration. Too many crazy kids, parents, teachers, working hours, and general bullshit to deal with. I actually like doing my own thing and being home by 3:00 every day.
February 27, 2019 –
February 26, 2019 –
February 25, 2019 –
February 24, 2019 – I’m not sure any woman – black, white, brown, fat, skinny, or medium – looks good in an all leprechaun green pantsuit.
February 23, 2019 – Some people just love to bitch.
February 22, 2019 – Essential Oil diffusers are expensive. I found out today that my wife bought one for $165. She bought a machine that makes mist for $165. Wow.
February 21, 2019 – Why does an eighty year old billionaire need to pay for sex? Why? Better question. How does an eighty year old billionaire have sex?
February 20, 2019 – Never in my life seen a basketball shoe basically explode the way Zion Williamson’s shoe did tonight.
February 19, 2019 – Just smile. I have every reason to be blessed and happy. Just do it, idiot.
February 18, 2019 – It is just hard to empathize with the stupidity of some people. I just can’t relate to it at all.
February 17, 2019 – I’m on a Guinness kick. The tallest person ever measured was 8’11”. Holy crap. I have nine foot ceilings downstairs. He could not get on his tippy toes.
February 16, 2019 – The fattest person ever weighed was 1400 pounds. I don’t know why I found the need to search that tonight. I feel fat and I only need to love 20 pounds. I can’t imagine needing to lose a thousand.
February 15, 2019 – If we’re banking the future of the world on some of the kids I teach, I think the world might stop spinning due to chronic, epidemic apathy.
February 14, 2019 – The first time you see your baby smile, you just forget – if only for a moment – how freaking hard they are to raise in the early days. That first smile is just beautiful.
February 13, 2019 – My little boy loves animals, so I downloaded an app that does animal sounds. This was a mistake. Huge, I’m-hearing-a-camel-in-my-head-all-the-time mistake.
February 12, 2019 – The “Green New Deal” is hilarious. It just proves to me how much in the middle politically that I am. They actually have a section about saving your own urine, and another section that says that we as a country are responsible for the financial security of those who are “unable or unwilling to work.” Unwilling? WTF? No.
February 11, 2019 – If Trump said up was down and peanut butter was mayonnaise, his supporters would believe him. I’ve never been more proud to be cynical and think for myself.
February 10, 2019 – So I read an opinion piece on Fox News from Phil Robertson telling me that the way we must fix the division in this country is through God’s word. Now I’m a fan of a good chunk of what he considers to be God’s word, but we live in a country that allows for the freedom of religion. How do the people who don’t believe in God’s word work on their division?
February 9, 2019 – I’m a big fan of Nashville Hot chicken. I want to try all the cities’ Hot chicken. I would like to know if that is a thing.
February 8, 2019 – Today I got so fed up with a class of ninth graders and their inability to be respectful that I literally stopped teaching, sat at my desk, and did not speak for the last 45 mins of class. It was eerily quiet in there for the remainder of class when they realized what had happened.
February 7, 2019 – Cheap diapers suck.
February 6, 2019 – Another way of saying that would be that people who think their way is the only way, or their religion is the only religion, or their apple pie recipe is the only apple pie recipe are probably more infuriating than closed-minded people. Either that or they are the same people.
February 5, 2019 – Closed-minded people are infuriating.
February 4, 2019 – It appears Trump’s tax plan is going to end up screwing the middle class in tax refunds this year. But hey, at least I get to deduct the maintenance I did on my private plane!!
February 3, 2019 – Before Richard Burr was a US Senator – before he was even a politician – he was a sales manager at a lawn equipment company. I had no reason to dislike him prior to that, but the fact that he was not a lawyer made me like him.
February 2, 2019 – Humans have a lot in common, but I think farts are the funniest.
February 1, 2019 – Based on yesterday’s WILT, I don’t ever really want to be the boss. And underling boss, sure, but not THE boss. I enjoy my freedom too much.
January 31, 2019 – It is often abundantly clear when the administration of a group of people is slacking on a certain aspect of their job. Everybody below them can tell. Reminder to self if I am ever the boss.
January 30, 2019 – It occurred to me today that I have been teaching some form of high school math for six years, and I’ve been teaching compound interest wrong. Oops.
January 29, 2019 – I hope the bees make it because honey is delicious.
January 28, 2019 – McDonald’s chocolate chip frappes (without the little chocolate chips) are better than any Starbucks Frappuccino I’ve ever eaten. Blasphemy? Maybe. But truth is often blasphemous.
January 27, 2019 – Candles can be made out of soy. So can milk. And Astro Turf. And paintballs. And wood stain. And crayons. And hydraulic fluid. And chewing gum. And spray foam insulation. And edamame IS soybeans. That’s either versatile or gross.
January 26, 2019 – Oreos contain no milk. How is that even possible?
January 25, 2019 – I did not know you could be removed from an airplane for bad odor, but I am SOOO glad that is the case.
January 24, 2019 – I am baffled by the sheer stupidity of people. They believe everything they see online without so much as a second thought.
January 23, 2019 – I started a diet yesterday. It sucks.
January 22, 2019 – I wish I had the guts to be the good kind of crazy. I’m a little bit crazy now, but I mean crazy enough to walk up to old ladies and start dancing with them kinda crazy. Crazy enough to start a Youtube channel and do crazy shit with zero concern of what people say. Maybe one day.
January 21, 2019 – Kinda sad that a football game can create more passionate anger than a government shutdown with 800,000 people out of work.
January 20, 2019 – I read a quote I really liked today, but I can’t find the author to give credit. It basically said, “If you wait until you’re ready to do something, it’ll never happen.” I like that.
January 19, 2019 – John Updike said, “Dreams do come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.”
January 18, 2019 – Parenthood is the hardest job on Earth. Most days it’s also the most rewarding, but only a fool will say that is the case every day.
January 17, 2019 – The really, really quiet high school kids with obvious anger issues scare me a little bit. I tried today to just talk to one like he was normal. It didn’t go great. But it opened the door. I’m glad I did it.
January 16, 2019 – There is an actual scientific name for brain freeze. It’s long and stupid and you’ll never remember what it is, so if you care, go look it up.
January 15, 2019 – Poor city planning pisses me off.
January 14, 2019 – When little girls decide to start pooping, plan on three or four outfits per day for a couple of days. I’ve never seen so much poop. And I forgot how weird it was to wipe a little girl. I made my wife do most of it. I felt weird.
January 13, 2019 – The first known use of the acronym OMG was in a letter written to Winston Churchill in 1917. Holy crap.
January 12, 2019 – I like when other people cook for me and just bring it to the house for free. That’s nice.
January 11, 2019 – There is an apartment inside the Eiffel Tower. I did not know that.
January 10, 2019 – I discovered today that I am required to be a germaphobe because my wife is a germaphobe and that means that my life is far easier if I am one, too. For instance, nothing is to touch the floors in a hospital. Nothing.
January 9, 2019 – Today I became a father for the third and final time. Three beautiful, healthy children is a blessing I do not take lightly.
January 8, 2019 – Labor and delivery nurses are cool. And they enable weird daddies with no filters.
January 7, 2019 – I did not know that a lot of organic oranges are green when ripe. They are injected with chlorophyll to make them more visually appealing.
January 6, 2019 – I am rekindling a love affair with the the voice of Randy Travis. I haven’t sung this much in the car in years.
January 5, 2019 – Concrete blocks are very, very heavy when you move over a hundred of them in a day from one location to another. I essentially moved them twice. Into the truck, and then out of the truck. My back was dying!!
January 4, 2019 – I read an article tonight about the guy that hosted the original season of American Idol with Ryan Seacrest. The guy is now driving for Uber. Apparently he was being “job shamed.” But when Yahoo News tried to reach Brian Dunkelman’s “representatives,” their call was not returned. My question is this: how does a guy who hasn’t been on television in fifteen years, and who is now driving for Uber, have a “representative?” What are they representing him for?
January 3, 2019 – The waiting game for a baby to be born is excruciating. I mean, my life is easier right now without the little thing, but I can’t start anything new for fear that it will come today, I can’t go anywhere, I am bored. It’s not fun.
January 2, 2019 – Never knew this. Pringles are not actually potato chips. They are not made from thinly sliced potatoes. Instead, they are made from dehydrated potato flakes and then formed into their shape. That’s how they all get to be the same shape.
January 1, 2019 – This morning, on the morning of January 1, I weighed 218 pounds. I hope I write about 190 next year. I’m fat.
December 31, 2018 – Screw eating black eyed peas tomorrow. They suck.
December 30, 2018 – I am becoming heavily disenfranchised with how much professional athletes make for a living. I absolutely love sports, but I’m just not sure how much longer I can support it.
December 29, 2018 – When babies are born, they have over 300 bones. Adults have 206. I have to learn more about this. What I read said that “some” of them fuse together. What about the rest of them?
December 28, 2018 – The first iPhone was NOT made by Apple. It was made by Cisco. They both made them at the same time, not knowing they were both called the same thing. Cisco beat Apple to the announcement by 22 days. I think Apple won.
December 27, 2018 – The total weight of all the ants on Earth equals the weight of all the people, even though there are about ten million times more ants than people.
December 26, 2018 – I despise gift-giving. People buy far too much needless shit just to say they bought you something. I would rather people give money to a charity than to give me a coffee mug. If I want a coffee mug, I’ll buy the damn thing myself. There’s just too much superficial gift-giving.
December 25, 2018 – I didn’t learn anything about this today, but I would love to know when Jesus’s actual birthday was.
December 24, 2018 – Crazy fact that I absolutely believe. Kids ask about 300 questions per day. That’s a crapload of questions.
December 23, 2018 – I have learned over time that it is impossible to be creative when I’m with other people. When I’m alone, be it in my office alone, in the shower, in the car on the way to work, whatever, my mind can do so much work that I have no idea how to corral all of the thoughts.
December 22, 2018 – They’re coming back out with the Ford Ranger!! And it’s badass!!
December 21, 2018 – Teachers complain a lot about how much we get paid, but it is hard to find a job where you get 12 weeks off every year. Eight weeks during summer, a week at Thanksgiving, two weeks at Christmas, and a week for Spring Break.
December 20, 2018 – One of my favorite things to say to high school kids in response to their demands is, “I am not a dog.” This usually follows a demand such as, “Mr. Lee, come here.” They almost never get it the first time.
December 19, 2018 – I’ll never understand why our president tweets. He has so many typos and misspelled words, it’s embarrassing. In the past few days, he’s misspelled “you’re,” “smoking,” “their,” “amok,” and he’s missed a couple of possession apostrophes and other punctuation errors. It’s just embarrassing. If the citizens find it embarrassing, what is the world thinking? It reflects very, very poorly on our country.
December 18, 2018 – I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER, have another dog when our two are gone. They’re expensive, they inhibit vacations, they bark at bark, they wake me up at least twice per night, and now, they have brought worms into my damn house. Never again. I’m not heartless, I just enjoy my shit. And my freedom. And my sleep. And my money. And walking in my yard without stepping in shit.
December 17, 2018 – High school teachers have it easier than elementary and middle school teachers during the last week of the fall semester. Exam week is EASY for us. There’s no planning, no teaching, just stress-free babysitting and making sure we live in total silence while students are testing. We deserve this week.
December 16, 2018 – There is no better day than today to start dieting. Unless after Christmas relieves your stress levels and makes you happier. I suck.
December 15, 2018 – I can’t wait to see what my wife bought everybody for Christmas. I didn’t buy one damn thing. She’s amazing.
December 14, 2018 – Car wash joints (those things called “Auto Spas,”) do a piss poor job of cleaning windshields. It rained today and it was so streaky and splotchy it looked like the windshield had been sandblasted.
December 15, 2018 – The definition of insanity is asking / begging high school kids to get off their asses and do schoolwork, because I always get the same results and yet I keep trying. Most of them don’t do jack shit!!!!
December 12, 2018 – When it’s after lunch and I’ve had a busy day, I’m capable of sleeping damn near anywhere. Even faculty meetings!!!
December 11, 2018 – I read an article today that showed in clear numbers why my school struggles to stay on grade level and on par with other high schools in the county. Our demographics and poverty levels are far, far below that of other schools. The assumption from the article is that the county might choose to abandon community schools in order to level the playing field a little, but I absolute HATE that idea. Just because our poverty level is low doesn’t mean those kids are incapable. It means they come from a place that doesn’t understand motivation. And I also think every kid should go to school in their own community. It just makes sense to me.
December 10, 2018 – It’s official. I’m terrified to bring another baby home. Freedom will be completely gone. That scares me.
December 9, 2018 – Crescent rolls were meant to house hot dogs. They just go together so well.
December 8, 2018 – The temper tantrums have begun. Our son is nearly two and a half. It’s about time I guess. I think they’re kinda funny, honestly. He gets so freaking mad and I just sit there and laugh at him. And that makes him even madder!!
December 7, 2018 – I do NOT like it when I log into my website and the website creation software has updated. Grrrrrr.
December 6, 2018 – The idea of human trafficking – especially sex trafficking with young girls – makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. If somebody took my daughter, I would rather she be dead than to live a life of slavery. I would honestly rather they just kill her.
December 5, 2018 – And one of the most humbling feelings in the world is when your two year old calls YOUR bluff and you have no comeback.
December 4, 2018 – One of the greatest feelings in the world is calling someone’s bluff and watching them stammer.
December 3, 2018 – Learned two words tonight. Sycophant and gaslighting. A sycophant is a self-seeking flatterer. Gaslighting is the process of psychological manipulation whereby a person tries to get you to doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity. Neat words.
December 2, 2018 – I just don’t like church. I’m just not sure it’s something I can do for the rest of my life. I get absolutely nothing out of it, and I haven’t in many, many years.
December 1, 2018 – Good pizza is REALLY hard to find in North Carolina. It all just kinda sucks.
November 30, 2018 – President George H.W. Bush died today. I don’t remember much of his time in office, but he was a fabulously supportive ex-President. If you’re reading this and you get the chance, find the letter he left in the Oval Office for Bill Clinton when he took over as president.
November 29, 2018 – New Balance is now making basketball shoes. Why in the world did that happen? Even more, why is Kawhi Leonard their first big endorsement? He has the personality of a cucumber.
November 28, 2018 – High school kids enjoy calling other high school kids gay. I embarrass them every single time this happens by saying something like, “Well what if Tyrone is gay?” And then Tyrone looks at me like I actually just called him gay and he is quite mad. It’s pretty fun.
November 27, 2018 – I’m making some lifestyle changes today when it comes to food. What I learned so far today about that is that I absolutely suck at controlling the mind games. I guess I always have.
November 26, 2018 – About two and a half is the age where you must stop saying bad words or words like M&M’s because they will not only repeat it, they will request it immediately.
November 25, 2018 – Beginning to discover why the extreme politicos hate the other side. I actually hate both of them. Nastiest people on Earth.
November 24, 2018 – You can make a pretty darn good cinnamon roll icing by combining powdered sugar and milk. I did not know that.
November 23, 2018 – I think smh should be the most widely used text language in this country. How can you not just shake your head at the nonsense we hear every day. I read a story about a guy who sat in the corner of a frozen yogurt place, didn’t order a thing, didn’t speak, and just watched a couple of people across the restaurant for thirty minutes. He was a black man. He got pissed, pulled out the race card, and is basically demanding that the place CLOSE DOWN because the young girls working there became a little uneasy about this dude sitting in the corner staring at people, so they called the cops. Here’s an idea, numbnuts. If you have a reason for being there, tell the damn employees. It’s called human decency or tact or just basic communication. Idiot.
November 22, 2018 – My wife is 33 weeks pregnant. She is getting SOOOO uncomfortable. The doctor told us yesterday that it could be a LARGE baby because it’s already measuring at nearly six pounds with seven weeks to go. The next seven weeks are going to suck for her (and me.)
November 21, 2018 – I wish I was naturally confident instead of being so damn insecure.
November 20, 2018 – My daughter is highly embarrassed by me. And I’m sort of proud of that.
November 19, 2018 – Being a teacher, I truly don’t understand why people want to take the day off on teacher work days. There are NO kids there on those days. I would MUCH rather work when there are no kids at school than I would on the days when they’re there. Especially when they’re getting on my nerves.
November 18, 2018 – Doing some research for an article today and discovered something that might actually be a completely unique thought. As in ever. Like nobody has discovered this except me. That’s pretty cool. I searched for “types of blessings” and “categories of blessings” and could not find much. So I kept researching and determined that our blessings fall under the categories of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social. As in, the fit perfectly.
November 17, 2018 – I will never be as brave as a nine year old that loves bugs. She picked up a lizard off the house like it was a puppy. She is some kind of bug whisperer.
November 16, 2018 – College sports needs a huge overhaul. I just learned that the coach at Arizona, Sean Miller, still has a job after offering the parents of high school kids a hundred grand for their son to play for him. Either get rid of the corruption or completely allow it.
November 15, 2018 – Most of the designer sunglasses in the world are actually manufactured by the same company. Luxottica makes sunglasses for D&G, Prada, Burberry, Polo, Versace, and a bunch more. They also own LensCrafters and Sunglass Hut. Oh, and they profit about sixty-four cents on the dollar. Pretty good margins.
November 14, 2018 – Getting older sucks. I sit with my son daily on the floor and play with cars, blocks, puzzles, or dinosaurs. Recently, my hips are joining in on the fun. My hips!! Sit “Indian Style” for more than 10 minutes, and I cannot sit like that anymore. Ugh.
November 13, 2018 – I do NOT like things that make no sense. Before you tell anybody that can or cannot do something, ask yourself, “Does this really make sense for all parties involved?” If the answer is no, don’t do that thing.
November 12, 2018 – Veterans deserve more than this country gives them. They damn sure deserve more than people using welfare money for drugs, that’s for damn sure.
November 11, 2018 – Bravo to Saturday Night Live and Dan Crenshaw. We need a LOT more of that in this country. Enough said.
November 10, 2018 – I think that when someone has a registry of some kind, whether baby or wedding, and you buy something that is NOT on the registry, you should have to take it back when the receiver doesn’t need, want, or like it. That’s what registries are for. It’s just kinda vain to think, “Oh, I know better than the expecting bride or mother what they need for their marriage/baby.” Just buy off the registry, people. Makes everybody’s lives easier.
November 9, 2018 – I watch a lot of sports. Well, I at least keep up with what’s going on. I think I have decided that the most painful injury that is fairly common on the basketball court has to be tearing an Achilles tendon. That just looks awful.
November 8, 2018 – High school kids suck. That is all.
November 7, 2018 – The day after election day doesn’t feel a whole lot better. It really feels like we are in some sort of “cold” civil war between the red and blue. It just feels wrong. This president has the power to stop it. He has to stop himself first, though.
November 6, 2018 – Thank god it is election day. I’m so sick of people being mean to each other, I’m ready to go pick a fight with a total stranger just to join in.
November 5, 2018 – I never believed in private school education, but the more I see us in the public schools just pushing failures on to the next grade and giving them four hundred chances to pass a damn grade, a public education diploma is starting to feel pretty worthless.
November 4, 2018 – I have no idea if “relatable” is a word. It is in Merriam Webster dictionary (kinda) but on any word processing program, it gives you that dreaded red line under it after you type it, meaning, I assume, that they do not think it’s a word. But I’m calling it a word, so I don’t really care what they want to call it.
November 3, 2018 – I understand why people buy frozen lasagnas.
November 2, 2018 – I’ve known her for over five years, and I had no idea the kind of germaphobe my wife is until today. I will never again take a child of mine in a hospital to visit ANYBODY. Ha!!
November 1, 2018 – The older I get, the more I’m wondering if there is a country I could move to one day where people don’t bitch, moan, complain, belittle, criticize, or become assholes at the very mention of something they do not agree with or when they see another race of people. Getting ridiculous, people. Well, far past ridiculous, but I am so baffled by this country, I don’t even know if ridiculous is the right word. Stupid, ignorant, and belligerent is closer, I think.
October 31, 2018 – It is NOT a good idea to suggest you might be different than other alcoholics at an AA meeting. Better to say you are the ugliest sheep.
October 30, 2018 – I wonder if I’ve ever been racially profiled.
October 29, 2018 – If you mess up and you are behind schedule, remember that just because you have created an urgency in yourself, others are not required to feel or act with your same urgency.
October 28, 2018 – Hearing your daughter sing in front of church is one of the surest ways to make a soft-hearted daddy cry.
October 27, 2018 – Time spent alone to be productive, and better yet FEEL productive, is one of the surest ways to keep my sanity in check. It’s amazing that as much as I yearn to get away from reclusiveness, I still greatly need it.
October 26, 2018 – I’m getting less afraid to call out assholes and hypocrites on social media. I kinda like that.
October 25, 2018 – I think middle schoolers are the meanest age. Hearing some of the stories my daughter tells are more shocking than most of the stuff I hear on the high school level. Those little preteen shits kinda suck. Please teach your child not to suck.
October 24, 2018 – Whoever reads this, I can almost guarantee you will cook or ask someone else to cook exactly what I cooked tonight. It was simple, made leftovers for my next two lunches, and it was absolutely delicious. Just fantastic. Simple chicken and rice, but with a little something extra. I cooked the rice in chicken bone broth and added broccoli I nearly pureed in the food processor. While it was cooking, I added salt, pepper, chicken, and then poured it all in a Pyrex, topped it with cheese, and baked it til the cheese was a little brown. Fabulous.
October 23, 2018 – I often enjoy people who have zero common sense. I do not enjoy them when it is very difficult explaining to them what humor is.
October 22, 2018 – For some reason, when you teach your two year old the joys of being destructive by building stuff and then immediately knocking it down by throwing stuff at it, he does not know that he is not supposed to throw stuff at your face.
October 21, 2018 – It makes me feel kinda good that mean people hate themselves more than they hate everybody else. I think it’s supposed to be that way.
October 20, 2018 – Being honest with your spouse is the most important aspect of a healthy marriage. If you can do it and know you aren’t sleeping on the couch, you’re in a good marriage. I’m in a good marriage.
October 19, 2018 – If you have children, and they are students, and they turn in a lot of shit to their teachers on the last day of the quarter because they’ve ignored their teacher for nine weeks and decided to be responsible students for one freaking day out of forty-five, you should either spank them, ground them, or take away their phone until they apologize to their teacher and bring them a Starbucks gift card.
October 18, 2018 – If men had to carry babies, this world would have no hunger, no global warming, no racism, no crime, no entertainment, no music, no sex, no parades, no Christmas, no Tooth Fairy, no industry, and probably no Trump. No way in hell I would let somebody impregnate me. Instead of circumcision at birth, most fathers would pull the doctor aside and say, “Let’s just go ahead and castrate the little fellow. That takes the womb out, too, right?”
October 17, 2018 – It shouldn’t be so surprising since I am one of the most stubborn people alive, but people just do NOT believe other people when they say really sage stuff like “Start saving early” or “Don’t spend a lot of money on a car; it will only lose value” or “It’s not a great idea to get a tattoo of your boyfriend.” That last one baffles me. The other two I understand. If you get the name of the person you have been dating for six months tattooed on your back, you deserve the pain and expense of tattoo removal when he or she realizes you suck.
October 16, 2018 – After forty plus years, I have not figured out that restaurants refuse to add the word “chives” to menu items where chives are present. I have no idea why. Chives are onions. I hate onions. I will send back food with chives. List them on your f**king menus. Please.
October 15, 2018 – One of my favorite stores of my youth is on the way out. Sears announced today that it was entering Chapter 11 bankruptcy, which is probably just the beginning of the end for Sears and Kmart. I grew up in the country, but we had a Kmart about 20 minutes away. I was in heaven walking in that place as a kid. They had toys and sporting goods in the same damn store!!!! Now it’s on life support. Kinda sad.
October 14, 2018 – If you use too much ranch dressing mix on your food, it will NOT taste like Super Ranch. It will taste like a salt block with a small kick. Kinda awful.
October 13, 2018 – I have been a sports fanatic my entire life, and I’ve always heard the term “Charley Horse.” I always thought it was when a player sustained a thigh bruise from something like a helmet or baseball hitting them. I’ve been wrong for 41 years. It’s just a lower leg cramp. And why does it have such a fancy name? Nobody actually knows. It showed up in print for the first time in 1887 in reference to a baseball game. So I was right about the baseball part, but nothing else. Oh well.
October 12, 2018 – Some of the most memorable protagonists in books and movies are not people you would want to hang out with in real life. They are actually kinda shitty people. Which is exactly why I want to write an unlikable protagonist. That sounds amazing.
October 11, 2018 – Communicating with people is sometimes very, very hard when they lack the skills to do so.
October 10, 2018 – Over 21,000,000 people in the world celebrated birthdays today. I am not special.
October 9, 2018 – I truly do not know how to live without some form of addiction. For most of my adult life, it was alcohol and tobacco. Now it’s food. I’m struggling to be a man who knows and lives in total balance. I truly do not know how. But I’m going to get there.
October 8, 2018 – Alcoholism is not a real thing. It’s the truth. I’m writing about it right now. There is no such thing as alcoholism. It’s a pretty fascinating topic, and the reason I discovered it is because of the debate about whether or not alcoholism is a disease. My thoughts on the matter will be posted to the blog soon.
October 7, 2018 – I, like so many others before me, am the father of a teenage girl, and I absolutely despise social media for anyone under the age of eighteen. This world and its social media – and yes, I take some blame for this, too – has made my baby girl grow up too damn fast. It breaks a pretty big chunk of my heart.
October 6, 2018 – Superstore is the best sitcom since Friends and Seinfeld. Absolutely hilarious.
October 5, 2018 – Today I learned that, in new cars, transmissions can be adjusted by the computer inside them. We got a new van about a year and a half ago because of the baby, and it has “slipped” a couple of times in the past couple of months. The guy at the dealership said there was an “update” to the computer that dealt with transmission slippage. So either I was just lied to, or that’s pretty cool.
October 4, 2018 – I represented my school tonight in the county’s adult spelling bee. I had a couple of realizations during the night. First, the English language has a buttload of words that we will never, ever say in our lives. Even better, we will have no idea we even missed out on saying them. There’s just too damn many to know them all. The second thing that occurred to me was about the continued erosion of the English language because of text language and social media. It really is a beautiful language, and we are dead damn set on rendering it unrecognizable.
October 3, 2018 – A guy tonight at AA said, “We shouldn’t be scared of screwing up in this process of learning to live in sobriety. No matter how perfect we try to be, we can never graduate above human anyway.” Sometimes it’s good just to hear the obvious said a different way.
October 2, 2018 – Naming a book is not fun. Writing a book was fun. Naming it sucks.
October 1, 2018 – Saw the word “eponymous” on a book description tonight. I’ve never known what that word meant. Had to look it up. It means “of, or related to; being the person or thing for whom or which something is named.” Forrest Gump is the movie’s eponymous hero because the movie is named after him. So now we all know.
September 30, 2018 – One of the worst feelings a parent can experience is when you overreact to an accident by one of your children and make them feel stupid or belittled. One thing I have learned, however, is that I am FULLY capable of recognizing it and apologizing as soon as I can. It doesn’t make you feel any less shitty, though. Sometimes I think parents have more flaws than kids, simply because we know better.
September 29, 2018 – Feeling your baby kick inside your wife’s belly for the first time is pretty cool. It’s also a little creepy. If men were in charge of that crap, this would be a lonely planet. No way in hell I’d let somebody put a person inside me.
September 28, 2018 – The wife and I watched the first two episodes of the last season of “The Big Bang Theory” tonight. I think Sheldon was right to make this the last year. It’s run its course. Any of the possible story lines from here on out are going to feel forced. I mean, I’ll still watch and I’ll still laugh, but it’s time.
September 27, 2018 – At the high school level, when you go out of your way to help somebody who is expressing some depression issues and suicidal thoughts, and you show them you care and try to relate to their issues, you might actually make a difference. You also might regret ever getting involved. Too early to tell, but I have my worries.
September 26, 2018 – In addition to all my other issues, I am a true food addict at this point in my battles with sobriety. There’s just no other way of putting it. I cannot sit at my computer at night writing and working on my blog without ingesting 500+ calories. I struggle with that pretty badly. But don’t get me wrong. Junk food is absolutely delicious. I highly recommend it.
September 25, 2018 – I’m not a big fan of people who are so far to the left or so far to the right that they speak with pure hatred and anger towards people with opposing views. You know, sort of like the President, all of Congress, all of Senate, every elected Democrat, every elected Republican, and a few people on my Facebook who are pretty close to being unfriended. This shit is getting old.
September 24, 2018 – I always wished Tiger Woods would have just owned up to the man he was back when holed out eighteen times on the golf course during the day and three or four more times every night. I think he should have just said, “You know what? I AM a horndog and I don’t really have much interest in changing.” I would have supported him wholeheartedly for being himself. I mean, all of his trysts were clearly consensual, so he wasn’t doing anything wrong (you know, other than the whole adultery thing, but he paid dearly for that.) I think he should have come out sponsored by Playboy and Jack Daniels and Adam and Eve and just owned his shit. Instead, he played the fake contrition game and I didn’t respect him at all because I knew it was all a lie. Yesterday, though, I saw a man that had finally come full circle. That man had pure unashamed JOY on his face for the first time in a LONG time when he won the Tour Championship. It was good to see. I like him again.
September 23, 2018 – Today I learned that it is entirely possible to fall asleep sitting up in my office chair. Today it was because I was just drained from four hours of yard work, but I do remember passing out in my office chair once or seventeen times. Never fell out of the chair, though. That’s talent, boys and girls.
September 22, 2018 – One of my favorite pastimes is being one of God’s most challenging pupils, but seriously, I can’t be the only one that has popped, slapped, and itched their way into finally screaming, “What the f@$k are the mosquitoes for, dude?!?!”
September 21, 2018 – My original in-laws celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary tonight. It made me do the math and figure out when ours might be. We got married when I was 37. I will be 87 when we celebrate 50 years. No way in hell I make it to 87.
September 20, 2018 – I got a message from somebody today that truly showed me how our words and actions and our place in life create memories for OTHER people that we never really consider.
September 19, 2018 – I truly believe some people live their lives searching for ways to be offended, wronged, victimized, or pitied. In most cases, when they find what they are searching for, nothing exists but a person who isn’t very well liked.
September 18, 2018 – I think I want to run for either political office or the supreme court one day. Since I’m just coming right out and announcing that I’ve been an idiot, an addict, and at times an asshole, and since I don’t recall ever “forcing myself” on a teenage girl when I was in high school, I just don’t know what kind of dirt they could bring up on me that I’m not burying MYSELF with already. I don’t know anything about this Kavanaugh fellow, but it sounds like to me he might lose out on the Supreme Court because he got drunk in high school (STOP THE PRESSES!!) and tried to take a young girl’s clothes off (didn’t we all!!) and the other guy in the room has ZERO memory of this alleged assault. You know why? Because it was in f&%$ing high school and they were probably ALL drunk. Give me a freaking break. Something that happened 36 years ago (in high school, no less) should not be a direct reflection on ANYBODY.
September 17, 2018 – There are a LOT of people out there in the Twitterverse who have hundreds of thousands of followers and I really don’t understand why. To me they seem to be about as interesting as a missing toothpick and as entertaining as a busted speaker. Of course, we live in an era where young boys get addicted to watching videos of OTHER PEOPLE playing video games, so I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked.
September 16, 2018 – I have learned a LOT, but I hope I NEVER have to build another website from scratch again in my lifetime. I would rather count my grass.
September 15, 2018 – Teachers are NOT the only ones who are “confused” by this new “Standard’s Based” grading scale they are forcing upon us in North Carolina. Parents are “confused” about it, too. Instead of a 100 point scale, we’re in the slow rollout phase of starting to implement grades of 1, 2, 3, and 4 on the high school level and N, B, P, and M in the younger grades. Those stand for Needs Improvement (so does ANY grade below 60,) Beginning (so does ANY grade between about 60 and 75,) Proficient (so does ANY grade between 76 and 89,) and Mastery (so does ANY grade between 91 and 100.)
So here’s what the State of North Carolina has done, and they’ve done it without ANY explanation to what the benefit is to our children (took that straight from a parent other than myself, and it’s a VERY important point.) They’ve made grading MORE subjective and confusing and made it SOOO much easier to just slap a participation trophy (aka diploma) in EVERY student’s hand. They’ve also made it to where you can tell little Johnny, “But look, buddy, you’re only two points away from Mastery.” And little Johnny knows NOTHING.
Just because something in public education hasn’t changed in the past hundred years doesn’t mean it should just because the powers that be think they are smarter than everybody before them. Leave it alone and just let us freaking teach. And let some kids fail. You know, the ones that earn it. They have to learn to struggle and fail before life teaches them that lesson is a VERY unfriendly way. I will write a biblical rant about this soon as long as I’m pretty confident I won’t get fired.
September 14, 2018 – I suck at securing trees before hurricanes. Florence is coming through today, so I went out yesterday to redo the string I have attached to three stakes around this baby tree in the front yard. Well it is apparent that I was NOT a Boy Scout. My tying sucked. That damn tree has been whipping around like a foot long hot dog. Somehow, it is still standing.
September 13, 2018 – I went to Staples today to get a seat cushion because my ass is getting the fanny fatigue from sitting at my computer so much. There were about 50 different cushions on Staples online, but I wanted it today, so I went to the store. They don’t carry them in the store. I will mostly stop going to stores now. I’ve been burned one too many times. I will give all my business to Amazon.
But when I drove home, I wondered what was going to happen to all the empty stores in the next twenty years when malls become one of those “remember when” things like pay phones. I would hate to be in retail right now, even as the economy is booming. There is no way in hell the property value is going up on ANYTHING retail. The people that own the buildings should sell them and buy Amazon stock.
September 12, 2018 – There are actual human people that fly airplanes into hurricanes to collect data. And I mean there are 18-20 people on board every flight. They have different jobs during the flight, all very much within meteorology or science. I just assumed by now they used drones or unmanned aircraft.
September 11, 2018 – “No” is a complete answer. You do NOT have to explain yourself to anyone you do not sleep with.
September 10, 2018 – It is impossible to never take things for granted. Take your dominant hand, for instance. You take it for granted every day. Imagine in your head an entire day without your dominant hand. Close your eyes and think about the ENTIRE day. Every single minute, every single challenge. Now try wiping your ass. Didn’t think about that one, did you? You just took ass-wiping for granted.
September 9, 2018 – I’ve been sober 469 days today, and I love my family more than I ever imagined I could. Love spending time with them, love doing things with them or for them, love seeing them happy, love that I am at least partially responsible for that happiness. But one of my favorite parts of every day is to be alone. I don’t know if that is sad or healthy. But it’s true. The reclusiveness of an addict might not ever go away.
September 8, 2018 – There is absolutely NOTHING on Earth that makes you smile the way your own children make you smile.
September 7, 2018 – High school boys are horrible creatures who should be given the anti-venom to Viagra. Make it like a required vaccination to get into middle school. No erections until age twenty. They should not be allowed to even touch teenage girls. Absolutely nothing good comes from that.
September 6, 2018 – Humans – even the preachers that most resemble Jesus – are liars. Honesty without reservation, even when we have to just go ahead and hurt somebody’s feelings, would make this world a better place. And there would be far fewer people getting offended when a fly keeps landing on them instead of another person at the table. When that person gets aggravated and offended enough, and they ask the other person what to do to get rid of the fly, the other person should feel completely comfortable saying, “Go take a shower. You f&%#ing stink.” At least they would know the actual truth, right?
September 5, 2018 – You never know who you might see at an AA meeting. And seeing them might just make you feel a little more like a normal human and a little less like a human reject.
September 4, 2018 – The Itty Bitty Shitty Tittie Committee should exist somewhere. I heard somebody say Itty Bitty Committee tonight, and it’s been in my head ever since. The Shitty Tittie part just slowly snuck its way in, but it all sounds great together. I think it should be a group of women talking about men’s boobs. It would be a nice twist on the stereotype of us talking about women’s boobs all the time. Some of these may be odd thoughts. I’m still a child.
September 3, 2018 – I can’t decide whether everything is a waste of time or nothing is a waste of time. I guess both can be true. Or can they both be false? Yes, this is what I learned today. I’m even more confused than when I started the day.
September 2, 2018 – If you start with the word “starting” and take out one letter, you can get a new word. Then take out another letter to make a new word. Then another letter to make a new word. You can do that until you get to a one letter word. And no, “tarting” is not a word.